Confession & Help

I have a confession to make to you...

NOTE: this is very long but I just need to get this off my chest....

I don't know if it has shown or not but for the last several months my heart just hasn't been in crafting or in all honesty much of anything.  I have just been floating along in a daze...doing what I must to get through.  I normally don't post a whole lot about my personal life cause well, I don't want to bore you.  If you recall in February I hosted a contest here about which wedding dress Amber ("Future DIL") chose after a day long dress search.   She and my oldest son were going to get married in September and yes, in October she told us she was pregnant (She had the baby in June.) but I'm getting ahead of myself.  I want and need to start at the beginning so you get the full picture.

My son and Amber started dating last year in late August/early Sept and a few weeks later told us she was pregnant.  We really liked her and thought she was a very sweet and nice person.  She at that time had a 5 month old little girl which I absolutely fell in love with.  She was a beautiful little girl that came to be a very important to our family.  Not wanting to pry we didn't ask many questions but welcomed them both into our family with open arms.  

Now my son didn't have a great job and he still lived with us and she didn't have much of a job either (part time waitress - living with her grandma part of the time and her parents the other part of the time) so they just saw each other when they could ~ weekends, before/after work, etc.  This went on through Christmas and into 2011.  During this time her Mom was REALLY on Ben (ds) to find a place to rent so they could move in together.  

In Feb. 2011 he got a decent job (2nd shift) that paid enough so he could afford to pay rent on a place in our town to cover all of the bills since she wasn't going to be contributing anything to the till.  Note I said "our" town.  Amber lived in a larger city about 30 miles away and the rent there was 40-75% higher so there was no way that he could afford to live there and pay all of the bills on his check alone.   Of course her grandma wasn't thrilled because a) it wasn't in her home town; b) it wasn't a house but a trailer; c) it wasn't "clean"; etc.  IMO just starting out it was actually a nice place....not a castle mind you but it wasn't a rat infested dive either.  

So, they move in the first of March and the trouble begins....  Living with grandma and/or parents & sister she never really had to take care of her little girl full time and found out how much work it really was. She also didn't feel she should have to cook, clean or vacuum the house, wash his clothing or dishes. She didn't like Ben working on 2nd nor did she like it when he came to see us or help dh at our farm. She also spent most of her free time at her parents or grandmas house.  Her excuse was she had things to "plan for the wedding".   Now, I don't want you to think I'm naive enough to think Ben was an angel...I know he wasn't/isn't.  But he was trying...he worked, he did his own laundry, he cooked for himself, he paid the bills, etc. 

Near the end of March (a mere 3 weeks later) dh drives by the trailer and sees Amber, her mom and grandma cleaning the place out - while Ben was at work!  He came home that night to an empty house....  There was a couch, chair, his dresser and the washer and dryer left and no much else.  It took her a week to move in and exactly 3 hours to move it all out!  Ben was in shock and tried to call/talk to her but she wasn't answering his calls.  In a few days she called and asked if he wanted to buy the couch, chair & washer (we bought them the dryer when they moved in), told him that he wasn't the father of her baby and it was over!!

I tell you I was devastated.  One day Amber, Ariana and the baby (yet to be born) are gone without a word.  Totally out of our life in an instant!  We have not seen or heard from them since.  It's like they all died, were kidnapped or ????  that very day. I don't care about Amber, we found out later that this is exactly what she did to the father of her first child and she is back living with and being supported and cared for by her grandma/parents.  It's those kids I miss terribly.  I am a "mother hen" type person... I love and care for kids, animals, etc. with all my being. I feel as if a part of my heart was ripped out and destroyed that day. I loved that little girl with all my being and anxiously awaited the baby with such anticipation.

I heard something this past weekend that made me realize that over the past several months I have been going through the stages of grief as if they had really died that day and I'm stuck at #4.

Five Stages Of Grief

1. Denial & Isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining (skipped this step)

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

WHEW,  told you it was a long story ~ are you still with me????

Here is where I ask for your help....

I need help getting back on track.  I need something specific to do, a request, a problem to solve, a challenge, something to get my heart back into crafting again.   I thought the charm swap would do it.  While I really enjoyed it it just wasn't stamping and I just didn't get dirty enough - LOL!!

I am asking if you would please post a comment or e-mail me a specific project you'd like to see, maybe a challenge you'd like me to try, a product or technique you'd like to see, etc.   

I don't care, I'm up for anything...I need a spark to get me going again and I am asking you to be that spark. 

Thanks in advance my inky friends....