Saturday, November 14, 2009

Thanksgiving Quotes, Sayings, Proverbs, Greetings & Jokes

Here's another list of Thanksgiving quotes, proverbs, sayings, greetings, sentiments, and even a few jokes thrown in to entertain the young ones!!

Oh...and some cool vintage Thanksgiving & Turkey images as well!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one fresh enough for her family.
She asked the stock boy, "Don't you have fresh turkeys?"
The stock boy answered, "But they are all dead. Now how can I make them take a bath?"

A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"
His friends who had got quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"
The father said with a long-drawn face, "Do you think it is so easy to catch it?"

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues. ~ Cicero

Ah! on Thanksgiving day....When the care-wearied man seeks his mother once more,And the worn matron smiles where the girl smiled before.What moistens the lips and what brightens the eye?What calls back the past, like the rich pumpkin pie?~ John Greenleaf Whittier

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~ Irv Kupcinet

And though I ebb in worth, I'll flow in thanks. ~ John Taylor

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"
little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song. ~ Konrad von Gesner

Bless those gathered in this place, with thankful hearts and gifts of grace I think that one of the things I'm most grateful for on Thanksgiving is that, when the Lord was deciding who would need help at this season and who would be in a position to give help, he permitted me to be among the givers. ~ Bill Gold

But see, in our open clearings, how golden the melons lie;Enrich them with sweets and spices, and give us the pumpkin-pie!~ Margaret Junkin PrestonBut whether we have less or more,Always thank we God therefor.
By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. ~ Hebrews 13:15

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
**Yes - a building can't jump at all!
Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving. ~ Mike ConnollyCourtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. ~ Henry Clay
Dear Lord; we beg but one boon more:Peace in the hearts of all men living,peace in the whole world this Thanksgiving.~ Joseph Auslander

Do not get tired of doing what is good.
Don't get discouraged and give up,
For we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.
- Galatians 6:9

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise; be thankful unto him,
and bless his name. For the Lord is good...
~ Psalm 100:4, 5a

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~ William Arthur Ward

For, after all, put it as we may to ourselves, we are all of us from birth to death guests at a table which we did not spread. The sun, the earth, love, friends, our very breath are parts of the banquet.... Shall we think of the day as a chance to come nearer to our Host, and to find out something of Him who has fed us so long? ~ Rebecca Harding Davis

For each new morning with its light,For rest and shelter of the night,For health and food, for love and friends,For everything Thy goodness sends.~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

For flowers that bloom about our feet;For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;For song of bird, and hum of bee;For all things fair we hear or see,Father in heaven, we thank Thee!~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

For hearts that are kindly, with virtue and peace, and not seeking blindly a hoard to increase; for those who are grieving o'er life's sordid plan; for souls still believing in heaven and man; for homes that are lowly with love at the board; for things that are holy, I thank thee, O Lord! ~ Walt Mason

For what I give, not what I take,For battle, not for victory,My prayer of thanks I make.~ Odell Shepard

Forever on Thanksgiving DayThe heart will find the pathway home.~ Wilbur D. Nesbit

Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving. ~ Charles Lamb, 1821
Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?" ~ William A. Ward
God has two dwellings; one in heaven, and the other in a meek and thankful heart. ~ Izaak Walton

Got no check books, got no banks. Still I'd like to express my thanks - I got the sun in the morning and the moon at night. ~ Irving Berlin

Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live. ~ Jacqueline Winspear

Gratitude ... goes beyond the "mine" and "thine" and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy. ~ Henri J. M. Nouwen

Gratitude, in most men, is only a strong and secret hope of greater favors.~ La Rochefoucauld

Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation; you do not find it among gross people. ~ Samuel Johnson

Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all. ~ William Faulkner

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Gratitude is the heart's memory. ~French Proverb

Gratitude is the sign of noble souls. ~ Aesop

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others. ~ Cicero

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~ Melody Beattie

Happiness is the realization of God in the heart. Happiness is the result of praise and thanksgiving, of faith, of acceptance; a quiet tranquil realization of the love of God. ~ White Eagle

He who thanks but with the lipsThanks but in part;The full, the true ThanksgivingComes from the heart.~ J.A. Shedd

Heap high the board with plenteous cheer and gather to the feast,And toast the sturdy Pilgrim band whose courage never ceased.~ Alice W. Brotherton

Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

How can you make a turkey float?
**You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey!

How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
**It hugged the shore.

How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
**One, but you really have to squeeze him in!

How To Cook A Turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out

How wonderful it would be if we could help our children and grandchildren to learn thanksgiving at an early age. Thanksgiving opens the doors. It changes a child's personality. A child is resentful, negative—or thankful. Thankful children want to give, they radiate happiness, they draw people. ~ Sir John Templeton

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and new.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do not think of all the misery, but of the glory that remains. Go outside into the fields, nature and the sun, go out and seek happiness in yourself and in God. Think of the beauty that again and again discharges itself within and without you and be happy. ~ Anne Frank

I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the "history" I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all. ~ Ellen Orleans
If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get. ~ Frank A. Clark

If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want?**It simply wants to run away.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
**The Pilgrims!!!!

If I have enjoyed the hospitality of the Host of this universe, Who daily spreads a table in my sight, surely I cannot do less than acknowledge my dependence. ~ G.A. Johnston Ross

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~ Meister Eckhart
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
**Their AGE!!

If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~ Robert Quillen

If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. ~ Gerald Good

It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it. ~ Alistair Cooke
It is delightfully easy to thank God for the grace we ourselves have received, but it requires great grace to thank God always for the grace given to others. ~ James Smith

It is literally true, as the thankless say, that they have nothing to be thankful for. He who sits by the fire, thankless for the fire, is just as if he had no fire. Nothing is possessed save in appreciation, of which thankfulness is the indispensable ingredient. But a thankful heart hath a continual feast. ~ W.J. CameronIt is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor. ~ George Washington

It would seem that the ingratitude, whereby a subsequent sin causes the return of sins previously forgiven, is a special sin. For, the giving of thanks belongs to counter passion, which is a necessary condition of justice. But justice is a special virtue. Therefore this ingratitude is a special sin. Thanksgiving is a special virtue. But ingratitude is opposed to thanksgiving. Therefore ingratitude is a special sin. ~ Thomas Aquinas

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Arthur who?
Arthur any leftovers?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Wilma who?
Wil Ma make lots of food again this Thanksgiving?

Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Lord, 'tis Thy plenty-dropping handThat soils my land,And giv'st me for my bushel sowneTwice ten for one.All this, and better, Thou dost sendMe, to this end,That I should render, for my part,A thankful heart.~ Robert Herrick

May the bounty of the season fill your heart and your home.

May your stuffing be tastyMay your turkey plump,May your potatoes and gravyHave nary a lump.May your yams be deliciousAnd your pies take the prize,And may your Thanksgiving dinnerStay off your thighs!

None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy. ~ Fred De Witt Van Amburgh

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. ~ W.T. Purkiser

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart. ~ Seneca

O Lord that lends me life,Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness.~ William Shakespeare

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment - halftime. On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence. ~ William Jennings Bryan

Only a stomach that rarely feels hungry scorns common things. ~Horace

Our rural ancestors, with little blest,Patient of labour when the end was rest,Indulged the day that housed their annual grain,With feasts, and off'rings, and a thankful strain.~ Alexander Pope

Perhaps it takes a purer faith to praise God for unrealized blessings than for those we once enjoyed or those we enjoy now. ~ A.W. Tozer

Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves. ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Praise God even when you don’t understand what He is doing. ~ Henry Jacobsen

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. ~ Charles Dickens

Remember God's bounty in the year. String the pearls of His favor. Hide the dark parts, except so far as they are breaking out in light! Give this one day to thanks, to joy, to gratitude! ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. ~ William Shakespeare

So once in every year we throngUpon a day apart,To praise the Lord with feast and songIn thankfulness of heart.~ Arthur Guiterman
Some complain that roses have thorns—others rejoice that thorns have roses!

Stand up, on this Thanksgiving Day, stand upon your feet. Believe in man. Soberly and with clear eyes, believe in your own time and place. There is not, and there never has been a better time, or a better place to live in. ~ Phillips Brooks

Thanks, for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business. Thanks, for a nation of finks. ~ William S. Burroughs

Thank God every day when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done whether you like it or not. Being forced to work and forced to do your best will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know. ~ Basil Carpenter

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. ~ W.J. Cameron

Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths. At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings. ~ J. Robert Moskin

Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for - annually, not oftener - if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man's side, consequently on the Lord's side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments. ~ Mark Twain

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. ~ Edward Sandford Martin

Thanksgiving-day, I fear,If one the solemn truth must touch,Is celebrated, not so muchTo thank the Lord for blessing o'er,As for the sake of getting more!~ Will Carleton

Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude. ~ E.P. Powell
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~ Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~ Johnny Carson

Thanksgiving is nothing if not a glad and reverent lifting of the heart to God in honor and praise for His goodness. ~ Robert Casper LintnerThanksgiving is possible only for those who take time to remember; no one can give thanks who has a short memory

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. ~ P. J. O'Rourke
Thanksgiving is the holiday of peace, the celebration of work and the simple life... a true folk-festival that speaks the poetry of the turn of the seasons, the beauty of seedtime and harvest, the ripe product of the year - and the deep, deep connection of all these things with God. ~ Ray Stannard Baker
Thanksgiving like contentment is a learned attribute. The person who hasn't learned to be content we will not be thankful for he lives with the delusion he deserves more or something better. ~ Robert Flatt
Thanksgiving to God is an exuberant response to giving me HIS everything . . . by giving Him MY everything. ~ Martha Kilpatrick

Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day. ~ Robert Caspar Lintner

The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up. ~ Ted Allen

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. ~ H.U. Westermayer

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

The thing I'm most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands.

The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! ~ Henry Ward Beecher

There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American. ~ O. Henry

Thou hast given so much to me,Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;Not thankful when it pleaseth me,As if Thy blessings had spare days,But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.~ George Herbert

To know the value of generosity, it is necessary to have suffered from the cold indifference of others. ~ Eugene Cloutier

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven. ~ Johannes A. Gaertner

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. ~ Ambrose Bierce
We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning. ~ Albert Barnes

Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing. ~ Harper Lee

We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning. ~ Albert Barnes

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~ Thornton Wilder

We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. ~ Cynthia Ozick

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. ~ George Carlin

What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
**The letter G!

What are unhappy cranberries called?

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
**Boy! I'm stuffed!

What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
**If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
**Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
**God save the kin

What do turkeys use to clean themselves?
**They use "feather dusters"!

What do you call a dumb gobbler?
**A jerky turkey!

What do you call a gobbler who thinks he knows everything?
**A smirky turkey!

What do you get if you cross a pointy black hat and some leftover turkey?
**A Witch-bone

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
**Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
**He had an “arrow” escape.

What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
**He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

What key has legs and can't open doors?
**A Tur-key

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
**Plymouth Rock

What sound does a space turkey make?
**Hubble, hubble, hubble

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? ~ Erma Bombeck

What will a turkey with a dramatic bent of mind say to another turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
**To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

What would you get if you crossed a Pilgrim with a type of cracker?
**A Pil-graham!

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a baked fruit dessert?
**Peach gobbler!

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
**A poultry-geist!

What would you get if you crossed Thanksgiving and Easter?
**Feaster Sunday!

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
**The turkey trot

What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
**Your teeth.

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
**The tur-key

When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them. ~ Chinese Proverb

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat. ~ David Letterman

When our perils are past, shall our gratitude sleep? ~ George Canning

Where did the first corn come from?
**The “stalk” brought it!

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
**The outside of course!

Without Thy sunshine and Thy rain
We could not have the golden grain;
Without Thy love we'd not be fed;
We thank Thee for our daily bread.

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~ Estonian Proverb

Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
**The turkey, he’s already been stuffed!

Why can't you take a turkey to church?
**Because they use such FOWL language

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
**To keep his wig-wam.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
**They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
**They suspected it of fowl play.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
**It was the chicken's day off.

Why did the turkey eat his meal so quickly?
**Because he was a gobbler.

Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
**To try to hatchet!

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
**Because he had the drumsticks!

Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the bread?
**It’s a crummy job.

Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
**Because they never learned good table manners!

Would you know who is the greatest saint in the world:
It is not he who prays most or fasts most,
it is not he who gives most alms or is most eminent for temperance, chastity or justice;
but it is he who is always thankful to God,
who wills everything that God wills,
who receives everything as an instance of God’s goodness
and has a heart always ready to praise God for it. ~ William Law

You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, "Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave. ~ Dylan Brody

You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled. ~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon

You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink. ~ G.K. Chesterton


  1. This is quite an ambitious list. Thanks for sharing. The postcards are great!

  2. Ron, I had my pen out to copy some of your quotes until I saw your list. That is remarkable. I think I will have to use some of your jokes at the Thanksgiving table. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Whew! This is a lot of Thanksgiving fodder and wisdom. Thank you for sharing this...

  4. wow, this is a very long list and huge collection of Thanksgiving quotes. so nice of you compiling them here and sharing. Thanks!

    Happy thanksgiving!


Thanks for your thoughts and comments!